Thursday, January 01, 2009
Whee, it's 2009! Let's welcome it with our big big HEART!!!
Happy New Year to everyone who see this post. May all your dreams and wishes comes true this year, and that you have a fruitful year ahead.
New year eve, a happy and sad day I would say, let's go on with my story before saying anything else, and also, I promise you guys that this will be a long post, so don't worry, I will make it long.
Woke up in the morning like 9+ because the day before I told Mingyang that if I can wake up early, I will go his house to help him out with his internet stuff, so as I promised, went over in the morning. Reached there, we played PSP and chat chat, then Jiajun came to take PSP game while giving Mingyang the CS installer, then he go back and wait for us because we going to have lunch, anyway, the person said 9 will come but in the end came at 12+, well, just wait with him. At the end the internet person come, but he couldn't find any Cable plug, so at the end told Mingyang that he need to install it but earliest is this coming Friday, so no choice, Mingyang got to wait. Then I played dota with Simon and Liyong, then rubbish a bit, went down. Went down already, went to slot money to Weijie's letterbox because of the BBQ thing, and after that waited for Liyong and Yongchang, then we went over to Limbang to eat our lunch. Eaten, I went to buy 4D for my dad but number didn't buy through, and well, as expected, my dad wasn't happy because he told me to buy it at 12+ but I went at 2+. Nevermind, with that, I went back, then Mingyang told me something drastic, said again later.
Go home, urgently prepared everything, and went out by myself. Trained to Raffles and met up with Brayant, and walked over to the building which I also don't know what is it name. Nevermind about that, reach there, help out with all the moving and stuffs, at the end received a free bottle of coke. Actually there's better deal, we can actually go and drink alcholic drinks but well, we didn't. After that waited for my aunt, then she fetched us to Marina hotel, the [Madrine] I don't know how spell, so don't add better. Reached there, went to the hotel and sit down to rest, and I try out my brother's camera because he borrowed me to take photo of the firework.
Sitted at the hotel, doing nothing, testing out camera, after that at about 11+ I tried again the camera because I need to do the setting, but in the end, the battery flatted. I was like, Holy Shit. Then my handphone left only 1 battery bar too, then I really nothing to say. Then 12 like that, the firework started, watched at the balcony, it's indeed nice, but I really don't enjoy it, [intially should have friends watching with me, but at the end being put aeroplane, even if can't watch, I should be with friends celebrating, but at the end is still no, I'm just that, watching the firework and listening to the boom boom sound, it's near, it's heart tumping, but it just isn't nice at all. Whole performance I didn't took photograph too, and I went there, well, nevermind.] Done with the firework, bid my aunt and cousins goodbye, but I see that my aunt aren't happy, but what to do, I don't like staying out without my friends anymore, so went off with 1 of my cousin, and trained all the way back, he alighted at Woodland, while I alight at YewTee. Bought a drink, and walk home.
Reached home, took a bathe, online, and wish everyone on my msn who's online a Happy New Year, then chatted with Eunice while blogging here. Ending my 'day' post here, but the story continue on.Side-Track 1
Since it's a new year, 1st of Jan 2009, it also means the school re-opening is coming for all the primary and secondary students.
To Hengwei, You are going to start your very secondary 1 school life already, get real in it, mixed well with mates and do well for your studies and basketballs. It's really fun in secondary school.
To those going to secondary 3, Regardless you are in express or normal, try to study something, I could say that a lot of people failed in this year because this is the actual year where 1 grows up to be a "sensible" teenagers, so give in a better effort and at least get to secondary 4 smoothly.
To those taking N's/O's level, Give it your best, as a taker myself, N lever is as easy as ABC, but study on it at the very least. For O's taker, give it your best shot, O level aren't that easy I can tell you that.
To those waiting for their O level results, what's done is done and you cannot undo it, life isn't like microsoft word where you type something wrong you can just backspace it. Life is a on-going thing no matter where you are, what you do. Time waits for no one
. Even if you didn't do well this time round, don't worry, give in your best shot when you get into tertiary studies. For those getting good results, choose a course you really wants to study, don't give up halfway.
To those in Polytechnics, if you got your [F]inal [Y]ear [P]roject or any assignment or major examination coming. Give it your all, you can actually halt your studies after this last 1 to 2 years, but get something out of it, or pursude further stuides, but give in your best shot first.Side-Track 2
Actually this side track story shouldn't happen, but oh well, since it happened, might as well blog it down too. I got clerification at the last few paragraph with colors.
This was about what Mingyang said, he told me he decided not to go with me to help my aunt because he finds that Liyong's plan is better, well, it's good for him to pick on opportunities, but not at such a point of time. I guessed some people would be angry, finding it weird, or thinking I'm just a jerk after reading this, BUT, [this is my blog].
Seriously, felt hurt, can't felt angry because 我没有资格 to be angry, he promised to go with me on Sunday, without any hesistation. Well, obviously I was happy because at least there's someone who can accompany me go, and I told him my whole plan for this week, from Monday to Friday, and we were happily chatting about it. Friday is reaching, but problem occurs on Wednesday. When we met with Liyong, and he said that his not going because his lazy, and he offered Mingyang a plan, Mingyang at the end accepted his plan, and thus destroying mine. Well, was obvious I'm unhappy with it, because he told me his accompanying me already, but at the very last minute, he said that his not going. Nevermind about that.
While I was at the hotel, I asked him again if he wants to come find me to watch the firework together, as the hotel view is freaking clear I would promise, he told me to ask Liyong because his going to Mingyang house already. At the end of the day, his not coming again, I was being put aeroplane by him for 2 time in a day, 1 is a promise, the other is okay since it's sudden.
I was really depressed, was thinking, I guess I shouldn't cling on any thing, AT ALL, because at the end of the day, I'm just the extra guy poping out. Would anyone choose to be with me rather then some people who are closer of age to him? Was back thinking, all because of Liyong, and you can totally discard me, but well, I don't blame anyone, I just wanted to let myself out, what's the feeling of someone who treat some friend more important then anything in life to get discarded by 'friends' for consecutive 2 years? 31st Dec 2007, some people throw away our 'friendship' because of a reason which up until now I still doesn't know. 31st Dec 2008, was being throw away to be by myself because of 'different planning.'
Can I asked, what am I to you all? Is it wrong for me to get closed to you guys?I said there would be clarification, I don't blame the people I had named above. Liyong, from the beginning he only told me see first, I also know his way of doing things, well, and that he said something is fined with me, so I don't blame him for anything he did. Mingyang wise, I shouldn't say all this I know, if you wanted an apology from me, I don't mind giving one, because out of total "sian-ness" after seeing his don't feel like going face because no one accompanying him, I told him that "you can choose not to go if you don't want to." But well, he said he promised me already, and at the end still broke it. Fined, I wouldn't blame him, I just wants to let things off my heart.Beside that, I'm not asking for sympathy or what, so don't say I said all these things is to let people see that they are the bad guys here. If you wants to flame me, read on the clarification part first. And I repeat myself, I don't blame them for anything, I'm just unhappy and wanted to let things out. [Until now, I don't know if I should continue with my plan, or just find alternatives.Side-Track 3
This is my life, in 2007, I guessed I had actually gotten over it, so might as well list it down here, and since this is 2009, I must lived a better life right?
Let me recalled. During 2007, everything started on Feb, this way it's easier for me to recall what happen. I won't list their name out, for privacy purposes, but it will all be on short form.
I remembered that year, it was the year where I chose to leave my 'gay' buddies and joined the other group, a group of them whom we knew through the game 'dota.' I get closed to them, because of 2 person, CS and A. Reason being that A has a charisma that I don't have, and it's a things I wanted for a very long time. CS was just because his very close to A and that I find him "cute," in action. Can flame me 'gay' if you wants.
Anyway, continue with the stories, I remembered Feb that month, 2 of them had their birthday, CS and TP, and since I am getting closed to them, and I wanted to help them celebrate[This is the first time I helping people to organize birthday party], I open a steamboat party at my house. [It cost about $200plus I would say, and $50 were subsidise by 2 of them, but who cares about the money.] It was really enjoyable for me although I burned a big pocket in my hole especially for people like me, But I was happy.
Life goes on, on March, A had his birthday too, that time since we are more broke, we celebrated differently, but it was fun too. And most importantly, I wouldn't forget the message he sent to me during that time, when I was down because of "house quarreling." He told me, "Don't cry brother, you ownself said that only happy then can cry wor, so must be happy and smile, remembered the time all of us play the same ringtone together?" I was really touched by this, (About the ringtone, it's something that happen on his birthday where different models of phone was use to play the same melody and making it loud.) During that time I didn't expect him to treat me that closed, because I'm the "new member," but, yup, at the end I'm still touched by his words."
Story continues on until I started my poly year 2. That time I uses bus concession because SH took bus to school, and I followed him, then that time our dota timing was like 7+ to 8+, and we always had to wait for A to get back home, so I told him that I would take bus with him and once it pass the expressway, he changed bus to his house while I took the other bus back, in that case I can eliminate the waiting time. First 2 days were fined, and that we were geting really closed, he told me a lot of stuffs that he doesn't tell anybody. (Anyway I love hearing stories) But on that dreadful day, I said something I shouldn't say to him, (It's not going to be post out) and my life totally changed. I asked TP what should I do, he say no hoped anymore, I did a lot of stupid stuff, to try and get a chance to talk to him again, but failed. And it's since then I started skipping school because Secondary School end so much earlier then mine.
Stupid Stuff I didWaited outside his school for 5hours by myself, like one idiot.Knew that his overnighting at a friend house, and I waited under the block hoping for a chance to talk to him.Some other stuffs...
At the end of the day, he said that he forgived me for everything, and that we would be friends back once again, BUT, whenever I'm with him, I don't feel it that way, he treats me like a stranger, and sometime hot, sometime cold, it's really tiring, but I still continue to stay with them.
Life still continues to move, it's still the same, being treated kind of coldly but at that point, CS treated me very good, I'm not sure why too. But anyway, we still did a lot of stuffs up until the end of year. I even joined WCG competition with them when I had intially wanted to play with my old teammates but didn't had a chance.
Also during this year, something really touch my heart occurs. Got once I was down, and I asked Simpson out, he told me a sentence I wouldn't forget. He said, "If you still stubbornly wants to stay with them, it's fine, it's you who is getting hurt, we as outsider only see you sad but we can't do anything, or we had already tried our best but what's left is by yourself. But no matter what, if you still need us, our door will still be open for you." I almost cried with this sentence, this really shows me what is the meaning of "True Friendship" But even though with that, I didn't leave them.
Until that fateful day, 31st Dec 2007. As usual, were at Ant house playing, then went out to play dota as our countdown, after that, they asked me to play Mahjong, but I rejected, and from then on, CS didn't talk to me once, I called him and he just reject my call, I knew something had happen, but at the end, or up until now, I didn't know what had happen, and why did they chose to leave me.
Some Stuffs they bluff me onAnt told me that A didn't find him, but when I went back that time, I saw them together, and when I asked both of them, they gave me different stories.I was bored at home, so wanted to go and find them, but Ant told me his sick and wants to stay at home to rest, but because of other incidents, I didn't belief him, so check around, at the end found out the whole gang of them went to play lan.There are still some other stuffs.Side-Track 4
I was totally dispaired on the 1st day of 2008, it was totally boring, and it was just too bored. Previously whenever I ended lesson, I would rush back to meet them, but now? I actually stayed in school until 6+ because I got nothing to do at all, the time of going to find them is gone, and I don't know how to get on with life during that time. So I guessed it's until Feb again, something changed my life.
Since I had nothing to do at all, I decided to went down to the court I used to play. 514 basketball court. During that time, I'm a loner, always getting a drink and cup noodles sitting down on the bench to watch people play basketball.
There was once, I went down, and that Jiajun still remembered me, so I sitted down and chatted with him for awhile, and he introduced Bingyuan to me, and we chatted quite a bit. After don't know when, I went over to Eunice there, and started to know Liyong and so on and forth. It was really funny, knowing that they are still very young, well, they spark the interest of me playing basketball again.
And slowly as time goes by, I get closer to them slowly by slowly, and up until now, un-seperated peoples from my life. Went to school as per normal during that time, and rush back once again but this time round it isn't gaming, it's basket-balling. And I don't know how long it has passed since then, suddenly they said that they wanted to form a basketball team, and asking me to be coach, well, didn't accept it in the beginning because I don't have the ability to do so, but in the end still did it, and it marks the beginning of team 'HongJing/红劲' coming out. Slowly by slowly, it grows to more people, but more people do not come for training either, but well, that's out of topic.
I get a lot of helped from others because I'm just too inexperienced. And at the end, Coco came down to help me to coach them and some other people taught me too. It was quite a fun and sad year? For sure there are ups and downs. But well, because this time rounds there is a girl, a lot of event occuring here and there. Quite a fruitful year I would say, and I see how they changes over time, it's really a weird cycle, I don't see how myself change, although I knew I did changed, but maybe because they are still young, in a way or so, I see them grows up although I only knew them for like, for sure less then a year.
Let's talk about events.Birthday events are having here and there everytime, and surprises are up too.Ashley hurt his hand very deeply, and that he had to stop coming down for don't know how many months, school is re-opening soon boy, take care of yourself and come down find us soon.BBQ event, in less then a year, there are 2 coming out, 1 for the celebration of birthday party while the other is a welcoming celebration for Coco.There are still a lot more and I can't possibly list out so many too.
Some sad event.Liyong wanted to skip school but he bluff me he was sicked, well, at the end he found out that I knew what happened, he apologize.I'm being taken for granted once again, or is it just my own wishful thinking?The most recent thing about Mingyang case, but a New Year, should forgive and forget, I'm not angry, I just feel dis-heartedSame thing, a lot more but impossible to list out.I guess I should conclude my things for today, I wrote my life for this past 2 years, although there are a lot of holes here and there, if you wanted to know more, you can asked, but not everything I will give you an answer, I can only say,Cherish what you have before you lose it.
Give in your best shot if you really wants to do well in something.
Do not regret what you have done, instead regret what you hadn't do.
No one is born perfect, and perfection doesn't occurs at all, so forgive and forget is the best remedy in life.
Just be yourselves, you are who you are.This is a freaking long post I would say, but well, at least I had the heart to post it. It's time for me to hit the bed, and last but not least, I should improve on myself, to be a better man
Labels: sad life
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